Mood: confused (that's a shock, right?)
I know, I know. I've been a bad blogger lately. Work has been killer and life has just been hectic. I never have time for anything anymore. I work pretty much every night which is kinda good but sorta sucks at the same time. I'm really liking actually having money. I'm about to start my Christmas shopping. First I need to decide what stuff I'm getting for people. That's always the hardest part for me. I never know what to get. It's like I'll have great ideas throughout the year but then I can't decide on anything when it's actually time to buy stuff. If I buy it too early then I always end up giving it to the person early so that doesn't work for me. Hmmm.. Well as far as what I want for Christmas, I want a laptop and a new car. Haaaa! It's not gonna happen but I can hope, right? The laptop is more likely to happen than the car but it probably won't. Maybe I'll try to buy my dad's old one from him for cheap since he's gonna get a new one. We shall see. Well, other than that I don't have much else to say tonight. Same old confusing stuff going on in my life as far as relationships and all that goes. Trust me, if it changes then I'll let the world know. Lol.
Lyrics of the day: "You don't know what you got til you're missing it a lot..." Hurtful by Erik Hassle
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
10-22-10
Mood: ooh sparkly!
Geez it's been awhile since I've posted anything. Ever since I started working I've been super duper busy. I don't have time for anything. I'm either working or I'm exhausted from working. I sorta wish they'd cyt my hours back. I'd be fine with only working like three or four days a week instead of five. I've got a big art project to work on this weekend so I need time! Gahhh. Anyways, lots has happened since the last time I posted. I'm not so torn up about that note the jerks left me a couple weeks ago. Since then, my best friend has left a note on my car that said "World's Best Waitress Award" and my second family left me a note that said "Best Waitress Ever!" :) so things have definitely been better. I even feel like I'm getting better at work. Things were pretty rough for the first couple weeks but now I think I'm getting the hang of it. Waitressing is pretty tough. It takes a lot out of you. I'm making better tips though so I guess I'm getting better. I hate doing sidework though :/ I never get off work on time. I'm usually there for at least another hour if not longer. Oh well. Hopefully that changes too. Hmmm so I'm thinking about starting this all fruits and veggies diet. It'll be freak'n hard! I don't know how I'm gonna pull it off for three weeks but I'm gonna try. Any tips? Let me know. On another note, I got a new camera and I'm gonna be shooting lots more pictures soon and I'll be posting them. I'm entering a competition for a scholarship to the Art Institute of Dallas. I'm gonna give it a shot. I'll put more info up soon. I need ideas for that too. Haha. Well, it's time to get ready for work so I gotta get going. Posts coming soon!
Lyrics of the day: "I don't believe you when you say don't come around here no more. I won't remind you, you said we wouldn't be apart. No, I don't believe you when you say you don't need me anymore. So don't pretend to not love me at all..." I Don't Believe You by Pink
Geez it's been awhile since I've posted anything. Ever since I started working I've been super duper busy. I don't have time for anything. I'm either working or I'm exhausted from working. I sorta wish they'd cyt my hours back. I'd be fine with only working like three or four days a week instead of five. I've got a big art project to work on this weekend so I need time! Gahhh. Anyways, lots has happened since the last time I posted. I'm not so torn up about that note the jerks left me a couple weeks ago. Since then, my best friend has left a note on my car that said "World's Best Waitress Award" and my second family left me a note that said "Best Waitress Ever!" :) so things have definitely been better. I even feel like I'm getting better at work. Things were pretty rough for the first couple weeks but now I think I'm getting the hang of it. Waitressing is pretty tough. It takes a lot out of you. I'm making better tips though so I guess I'm getting better. I hate doing sidework though :/ I never get off work on time. I'm usually there for at least another hour if not longer. Oh well. Hopefully that changes too. Hmmm so I'm thinking about starting this all fruits and veggies diet. It'll be freak'n hard! I don't know how I'm gonna pull it off for three weeks but I'm gonna try. Any tips? Let me know. On another note, I got a new camera and I'm gonna be shooting lots more pictures soon and I'll be posting them. I'm entering a competition for a scholarship to the Art Institute of Dallas. I'm gonna give it a shot. I'll put more info up soon. I need ideas for that too. Haha. Well, it's time to get ready for work so I gotta get going. Posts coming soon!
Lyrics of the day: "I don't believe you when you say don't come around here no more. I won't remind you, you said we wouldn't be apart. No, I don't believe you when you say you don't need me anymore. So don't pretend to not love me at all..." I Don't Believe You by Pink
Friday, October 1, 2010
10-1-10
Mood: feeling like crying :'(
Today was horrible. I don't even know how else to describe it. I've had so much stuff on my mind lately and everything seems to be piling up. School was school and I was really tired. Work was not what I wanted to do tonight. Things went fairly smooth for the first couple hours. Finally at 8:30, I was still waiting on my last table. This couple wasn't rude to me (while I was serving them) and I did everything I was supposed to. Minor things (that weren't in my control) went wrong and I apologized to them but these idiots decided to leave me a note when they left. "WORLD'S WORST WAITRESS AWARD!" I read, written on a napkin, as I picked up they're dirty dishes. I folded it up and put it in my pocket. I got back to the kitchen area and started crying. One girl asked what happened and I handed her the note. Within a couple minutes it got passed around through the entire staff that was on duty and one guy was so mad he went outside looking for them. I cried for over half an hour and started to hyperventilate. I got support from all my co-workers though and after awhile I was able to go and finish my work. I felt like total crap though and still do. These people were atleast in their forties. Some people just need to grow up and stop acting like babies. If they had a problem, they should go to a manager. Not criticize me for things that were out of my power. Anyways, I hate my job so far, hate the people, and love my co-workers. They're the only thing that's gonna keep me around. I love the people that support me and stand up for me. <3
Today was horrible. I don't even know how else to describe it. I've had so much stuff on my mind lately and everything seems to be piling up. School was school and I was really tired. Work was not what I wanted to do tonight. Things went fairly smooth for the first couple hours. Finally at 8:30, I was still waiting on my last table. This couple wasn't rude to me (while I was serving them) and I did everything I was supposed to. Minor things (that weren't in my control) went wrong and I apologized to them but these idiots decided to leave me a note when they left. "WORLD'S WORST WAITRESS AWARD!" I read, written on a napkin, as I picked up they're dirty dishes. I folded it up and put it in my pocket. I got back to the kitchen area and started crying. One girl asked what happened and I handed her the note. Within a couple minutes it got passed around through the entire staff that was on duty and one guy was so mad he went outside looking for them. I cried for over half an hour and started to hyperventilate. I got support from all my co-workers though and after awhile I was able to go and finish my work. I felt like total crap though and still do. These people were atleast in their forties. Some people just need to grow up and stop acting like babies. If they had a problem, they should go to a manager. Not criticize me for things that were out of my power. Anyways, I hate my job so far, hate the people, and love my co-workers. They're the only thing that's gonna keep me around. I love the people that support me and stand up for me. <3
Saturday, September 11, 2010
9-11-10
Mood: thinking too much? Yeah, that's it. :/
So today in my English class, my teacher asked the question "When is it too late to tell someone how you feel?" This really got me thinking. I know not too long ago I talked about some of my past relationships but, yes, I'm going to bring one of them up again. Anyways, my opinions/answers to this question were very conflicting. Part of me felt like it's never too late to tell someone how you feel and that you always should but then again, part of me felt like there is a time when you shouldn't. It was weird. I don't know anymore. When I look back on my experiences, I think that it definitely is best to tell someone how you feel but then again, sometimes it caused me problems. It can make friendships awkward, confuse people, tear apart already formed relationships, and to sum it up, hurt you or someone else.
In part of December and the beginning of January, I was semi-dating this guy but I knew from the start he wasn't the one and we weren't even officially together. Then there was this other guy. He was my best friend. He was the guy that was always there. I could talk to him for hours and hours and we'd always have more to say. We'd stay up all night long even on school nights. We'd talk about nothing and everything at the same time. I knew how he felt about me and I knew how I felt about him. I was scared. I didn't want to lose him but I knew there was more there than just friendship. Over Christmas break, we spent a day at my house just sitting on the couch watching movies with another friend. He made the move and held my hand. I was still denying my feelings for him and I didn't let it go anywhere. After that day, things just kept changing between me and him but in a good way. I wanted to be around him more. I don't even remember if I ever actually told him how I felt. I don't think I ever said it with words but he still knew. In the middle of January, we were both exempt from some of our semester exams so we spent part of the afternoon at my house. We laid on the couch together watching a movie and he had his arms around me. At one point we turned and faced each other with our eyes closed and started talking. Our faces got closer and closer together til our lips were about to touch. Then we shared our first kiss. Within a few days, the actual relationship began. I really do have a point after all of that. I didn't actually tell him how I felt but it's still the same kind of situation. Sometimes it'll turn out good, and sometimes it won't. With this particular situation, it started out great and ended badly. Yes, he was my best friend. Yes, we had an amazing relationship. Yes, his feelings changed somewhere in there. No, my feelings didn't. No, he won't even speak to me now. Yes, our friendship and relationship was destroyed. My point is, when you tell someone how you feel or when you start a relationship, you risk it all. It was all like a movie to me and I wouldn't trade the memories we made for anything in this world, I only wish we'd been able make more.
Lyrics of the day: "Summer after high school when we first met, we make out in your mustang to Radiohead and on my 18th birthday we got matching tattoos. Used to steal your parents' liquor and climb to the roof, talk about our future like we had a clue. Never planned the one day I'd be losing you. In another life I would be your girl, we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world. In another life I would make you stay so I don't have to say you were the one that got away, the one that got away. I was June and you were my Johnny Cash. Never one without the other, we made a pact. Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on. Someone said you had your tattoo removed. Saw you downtown singing the blues. It's time to face the music, I'm longer your muse. In another life I would be your girl, we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world. In another life, I would make you stay so I don't have to say you were the one that got away, the one that got away. The one, the one, the one, the one that got away..." The One That Got Away by Katy Perry
So today in my English class, my teacher asked the question "When is it too late to tell someone how you feel?" This really got me thinking. I know not too long ago I talked about some of my past relationships but, yes, I'm going to bring one of them up again. Anyways, my opinions/answers to this question were very conflicting. Part of me felt like it's never too late to tell someone how you feel and that you always should but then again, part of me felt like there is a time when you shouldn't. It was weird. I don't know anymore. When I look back on my experiences, I think that it definitely is best to tell someone how you feel but then again, sometimes it caused me problems. It can make friendships awkward, confuse people, tear apart already formed relationships, and to sum it up, hurt you or someone else.
In part of December and the beginning of January, I was semi-dating this guy but I knew from the start he wasn't the one and we weren't even officially together. Then there was this other guy. He was my best friend. He was the guy that was always there. I could talk to him for hours and hours and we'd always have more to say. We'd stay up all night long even on school nights. We'd talk about nothing and everything at the same time. I knew how he felt about me and I knew how I felt about him. I was scared. I didn't want to lose him but I knew there was more there than just friendship. Over Christmas break, we spent a day at my house just sitting on the couch watching movies with another friend. He made the move and held my hand. I was still denying my feelings for him and I didn't let it go anywhere. After that day, things just kept changing between me and him but in a good way. I wanted to be around him more. I don't even remember if I ever actually told him how I felt. I don't think I ever said it with words but he still knew. In the middle of January, we were both exempt from some of our semester exams so we spent part of the afternoon at my house. We laid on the couch together watching a movie and he had his arms around me. At one point we turned and faced each other with our eyes closed and started talking. Our faces got closer and closer together til our lips were about to touch. Then we shared our first kiss. Within a few days, the actual relationship began. I really do have a point after all of that. I didn't actually tell him how I felt but it's still the same kind of situation. Sometimes it'll turn out good, and sometimes it won't. With this particular situation, it started out great and ended badly. Yes, he was my best friend. Yes, we had an amazing relationship. Yes, his feelings changed somewhere in there. No, my feelings didn't. No, he won't even speak to me now. Yes, our friendship and relationship was destroyed. My point is, when you tell someone how you feel or when you start a relationship, you risk it all. It was all like a movie to me and I wouldn't trade the memories we made for anything in this world, I only wish we'd been able make more.
Lyrics of the day: "Summer after high school when we first met, we make out in your mustang to Radiohead and on my 18th birthday we got matching tattoos. Used to steal your parents' liquor and climb to the roof, talk about our future like we had a clue. Never planned the one day I'd be losing you. In another life I would be your girl, we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world. In another life I would make you stay so I don't have to say you were the one that got away, the one that got away. I was June and you were my Johnny Cash. Never one without the other, we made a pact. Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on. Someone said you had your tattoo removed. Saw you downtown singing the blues. It's time to face the music, I'm longer your muse. In another life I would be your girl, we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world. In another life, I would make you stay so I don't have to say you were the one that got away, the one that got away. The one, the one, the one, the one that got away..." The One That Got Away by Katy Perry
Thursday, September 2, 2010
9-3-10
Mood: screwed up.
I know, it's been too long since I posted something :/ I've been so busy. School started. I sorta like it actually. It's weird. I'm glad I'm a senior. I'm ready to make some changes in my life. My new school is definitely different than I'm used to. My schedule isn't too bad but I've been extremely exhausted everyday after school. I'm gonna keep this short tonight because I really need to get some sleep. Anyways, the point of my post tonight is just for me to get some feelings out there. I just told someone something that I probably shouldn't have and I feel really stupid. It's not going to effect anyone else, just me. Have you ever done that before? Told someone something and then realized it was too soon or the wrong time and then felt like you really screwed up? Well that's what I just did. It wasn't anything really bad or too serious. It was just the wrong time to say it. At first, I was just joking around and then the person I was talking to said something serious about it and it caused me to blurt something out that I shouldn't have. It may have been the right time for me to say it for me, but in their life, it probably wasn't the best time. I don't know. I'm just rambling on about it now and I can't think straight. Hopefully I didn't screw up too bad and this will all work out the way it's supposed to. We will see.
Lyrics of the day: "You can't be too careful anymore when all that is waiting for you won't come any closer. You've got to reach a little more." Careful by Paramore
I know, it's been too long since I posted something :/ I've been so busy. School started. I sorta like it actually. It's weird. I'm glad I'm a senior. I'm ready to make some changes in my life. My new school is definitely different than I'm used to. My schedule isn't too bad but I've been extremely exhausted everyday after school. I'm gonna keep this short tonight because I really need to get some sleep. Anyways, the point of my post tonight is just for me to get some feelings out there. I just told someone something that I probably shouldn't have and I feel really stupid. It's not going to effect anyone else, just me. Have you ever done that before? Told someone something and then realized it was too soon or the wrong time and then felt like you really screwed up? Well that's what I just did. It wasn't anything really bad or too serious. It was just the wrong time to say it. At first, I was just joking around and then the person I was talking to said something serious about it and it caused me to blurt something out that I shouldn't have. It may have been the right time for me to say it for me, but in their life, it probably wasn't the best time. I don't know. I'm just rambling on about it now and I can't think straight. Hopefully I didn't screw up too bad and this will all work out the way it's supposed to. We will see.
Lyrics of the day: "You can't be too careful anymore when all that is waiting for you won't come any closer. You've got to reach a little more." Careful by Paramore
Saturday, August 21, 2010
8-21-10
Mood: unknown
So today I don't really have much to say. I just heard a song and I think it's pretty much my theme song right now. Here's the lyrics. Enjoy.
Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin
She loves her mama's lemonade,
Hates the sound that goodbyes make.
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.
She swears that there's no difference,
Between the lies and compliments.
It's all the same if everybody leaves her.
And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,
The pictures that she's seen make her cry.
And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
And she just needs someone to take her home.
She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.
She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she'll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfections.
She's not a drama queen,
She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen, but tired
She would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home.
'Cause she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's OK.
And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
And she would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home
And she just needs someone to take her home.
So today I don't really have much to say. I just heard a song and I think it's pretty much my theme song right now. Here's the lyrics. Enjoy.
Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin
She loves her mama's lemonade,
Hates the sound that goodbyes make.
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.
She swears that there's no difference,
Between the lies and compliments.
It's all the same if everybody leaves her.
And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,
The pictures that she's seen make her cry.
And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
And she just needs someone to take her home.
She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.
She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she'll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfections.
She's not a drama queen,
She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen, but tired
She would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home.
'Cause she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's OK.
And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
And she would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home
And she just needs someone to take her home.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
8-17-10
Mood: thoughtful...again
Well school starts next week. I'm sorta excited but sorta not. I mean, new school and stuff. It's sorta scary, right? I dunno. I'm just kinda nervous. I'm so glad I get to spend senior year with my best friend though. That'll be great. I hope this year goes by quick. I'm ready to be done. High school hasn't been the experience I was hoping for. Don't get me wrong, parts of it were great but other parts I wish I could just erase. I wonder what I would've done differently if I could go back to my first day freshmen year. Hmmm... Would I be bolder? Less scared? Would I have found a different crowd? I'm pretty sure that ones a big duh. Afterall, the one person that was always there for me freshman through junior year turned out to be a backstabbing whore. I definitely would stop myself from ever starting that friendship. That was one big mistake. Oh! Another big mistake: Mitch. He made freshman year a complete hell. Such a player. He wasn't even cute. It's like one of those things where you look back and ask yourself "I had a crush on this dude?!?" Haha. Sophomore year I think my big mistake was just things involving friends. I don't really remember much about it. That year is the boring one I think. I dated a guy and if I went back I'd probably get to know him better before jumping into a relationship but I don't really know what that would really change. We weren't right for each other and he wasn't very hard to get over. It still hurt of course but it wasn't the worst I've ever felt. Ah, junior year. Everyone said that, academically, it would be the toughest year. I have no clue what they were talking about. I didn't have any problems with schoolwork. My problems involved other things. I guess the first semester wasn't horrible. Well, sorta. It had it's problems. I dated a guy that wasn't right for me and his family hated me and thought I was a child of the devil. That was more annoying than horrible and before I knew it, it was over and I didn't have to deal with them anymore. Second semester is when my world got turned upside down. It started out great. I was truly happy for about two months before the heartbreak happened. Then the happiness was just gone. If I could go back, I'd change something. I don't know how I'd do it, but I'd change something. Stop myself from falling too hard maybe or just try harder to keep it from falling apart. I don't know. If it had never happened, I'd never have found one of the things that makes my life worth living: a second family. Not just any family, a family that still loves me five months later and I love them too :) Anyways, junior year was full of little mistakes and maybe one or two big ones but in the end, I got something I'm grateful for. Now I'm a senior. Twelfth grade. Top dog. And whatever else you wanna call it. I want this year to be one I'll remember and one that I'll look back on without regrets. I don't know what the future holds but let's just hope the cards are in my favor this year.
Lyrics of the day: "I swear I will fight until we're the last to stand. Until it's you left holding my hand. And our love will burn so bright..." - So High by The Follow Through
Well school starts next week. I'm sorta excited but sorta not. I mean, new school and stuff. It's sorta scary, right? I dunno. I'm just kinda nervous. I'm so glad I get to spend senior year with my best friend though. That'll be great. I hope this year goes by quick. I'm ready to be done. High school hasn't been the experience I was hoping for. Don't get me wrong, parts of it were great but other parts I wish I could just erase. I wonder what I would've done differently if I could go back to my first day freshmen year. Hmmm... Would I be bolder? Less scared? Would I have found a different crowd? I'm pretty sure that ones a big duh. Afterall, the one person that was always there for me freshman through junior year turned out to be a backstabbing whore. I definitely would stop myself from ever starting that friendship. That was one big mistake. Oh! Another big mistake: Mitch. He made freshman year a complete hell. Such a player. He wasn't even cute. It's like one of those things where you look back and ask yourself "I had a crush on this dude?!?" Haha. Sophomore year I think my big mistake was just things involving friends. I don't really remember much about it. That year is the boring one I think. I dated a guy and if I went back I'd probably get to know him better before jumping into a relationship but I don't really know what that would really change. We weren't right for each other and he wasn't very hard to get over. It still hurt of course but it wasn't the worst I've ever felt. Ah, junior year. Everyone said that, academically, it would be the toughest year. I have no clue what they were talking about. I didn't have any problems with schoolwork. My problems involved other things. I guess the first semester wasn't horrible. Well, sorta. It had it's problems. I dated a guy that wasn't right for me and his family hated me and thought I was a child of the devil. That was more annoying than horrible and before I knew it, it was over and I didn't have to deal with them anymore. Second semester is when my world got turned upside down. It started out great. I was truly happy for about two months before the heartbreak happened. Then the happiness was just gone. If I could go back, I'd change something. I don't know how I'd do it, but I'd change something. Stop myself from falling too hard maybe or just try harder to keep it from falling apart. I don't know. If it had never happened, I'd never have found one of the things that makes my life worth living: a second family. Not just any family, a family that still loves me five months later and I love them too :) Anyways, junior year was full of little mistakes and maybe one or two big ones but in the end, I got something I'm grateful for. Now I'm a senior. Twelfth grade. Top dog. And whatever else you wanna call it. I want this year to be one I'll remember and one that I'll look back on without regrets. I don't know what the future holds but let's just hope the cards are in my favor this year.
Lyrics of the day: "I swear I will fight until we're the last to stand. Until it's you left holding my hand. And our love will burn so bright..." - So High by The Follow Through
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