9-11-10

Mood: thinking too much? Yeah, that's it. :/

So today in my English class, my teacher asked the question "When is it too late to tell someone how you feel?" This really got me thinking. I know not too long ago I talked about some of my past relationships but, yes, I'm going to bring one of them up again. Anyways, my opinions/answers to this question were very conflicting. Part of me felt like it's never too late to tell someone how you feel and that you always should but then again, part of me felt like there is a time when you shouldn't. It was weird. I don't know anymore. When I look back on my experiences, I think that it definitely is best to tell someone how you feel but then again, sometimes it caused me problems. It can make friendships awkward, confuse people, tear apart already formed relationships, and to sum it up, hurt you or someone else. 
In part of December and the beginning of January, I was semi-dating this guy but I knew from the start he wasn't the one and we weren't even officially together. Then there was this other guy. He was my best friend. He was the guy that was always there. I could talk to him for hours and hours and we'd always have more to say. We'd stay up all night long even on school nights. We'd talk about nothing and everything at the same time. I knew how he felt about me and I knew how I felt about him. I was scared. I didn't want to lose him but I knew there was more there than just friendship. Over Christmas break, we spent a day at my house just sitting on the couch watching movies with another friend. He made the move and held my hand. I was still denying my feelings for him and I didn't let it go anywhere. After that day, things just kept changing between me and him  but in a good way. I wanted to be around him more. I don't even remember if I ever actually told him how I felt. I don't think I ever said it with words but he still knew. In the middle of January, we were both exempt from some of our semester exams so we spent part of the afternoon at my house. We laid on the couch together watching a movie and he had his arms around me. At one point we turned and faced each other with our eyes closed and started talking. Our faces got closer and closer together til our lips were about to touch. Then we shared our first kiss. Within a few days, the actual relationship began. I really do have a point after all of that. I didn't actually tell him how I felt but it's still the same kind of situation. Sometimes it'll turn out good, and sometimes it won't. With this particular situation, it started out great and ended badly. Yes, he was my best friend. Yes, we had an amazing relationship. Yes, his feelings changed somewhere in there. No, my feelings didn't. No, he won't even speak to me now. Yes, our friendship and relationship was destroyed. My point is, when you tell someone how you feel or when you start a relationship, you risk it all. It was all like a movie to me and I wouldn't trade the memories we made for anything in this world, I only wish we'd been able make more.

Lyrics of the day: "Summer after high school when we first met, we make out in your mustang to Radiohead and on my 18th birthday we got matching tattoos. Used to steal your parents' liquor and climb to the roof, talk about our future like we had a clue. Never planned the one day I'd be losing you. In another life I would be your girl, we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world. In another life I would make you stay so I don't have to say you were the one that got away, the one that got away. I was June and you were my Johnny Cash. Never one without the other, we made a pact. Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on. Someone said you had your tattoo removed. Saw you downtown singing the blues. It's time to face the music, I'm longer your muse. In another life I would be your girl, we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world. In another life, I would make you stay so I don't have to say you were the one that got away, the one that got away. The one, the one, the one, the one that got away..." The One That Got Away by Katy Perry

9-3-10

Mood: screwed up.

I know, it's been too long since I posted something :/ I've been so busy. School started. I sorta like it actually. It's weird. I'm glad I'm a senior. I'm ready to make some changes in my life. My new school is definitely different than I'm used to. My schedule isn't too bad but I've been extremely exhausted everyday after school. I'm gonna keep this short tonight because I really need to get some sleep. Anyways, the point of my post tonight is just for me to get some feelings out there. I just told someone something that I probably shouldn't have and I feel really stupid. It's not going to effect anyone else, just me. Have you ever done that before? Told someone something and then realized it was too soon or the wrong time and then felt like you really screwed up? Well that's what I just did. It wasn't anything really bad or too serious. It was just the wrong time to say it. At first, I was just joking around and then the person I was talking to said something serious about it and it caused me to blurt something out that I shouldn't have. It may have been the right time for me to say it for me, but in their life, it probably wasn't the best time. I don't know. I'm just rambling on about it now and I can't think straight. Hopefully I didn't screw up too bad and this will all work out the way it's supposed to. We will see.

Lyrics of the day: "You can't be too careful anymore when all that is waiting for you won't come any closer. You've got to reach a little more." Careful by Paramore