11-21-10

Mood: confused (that's a shock, right?)

I know, I know. I've been a bad blogger lately. Work has been killer and life has just been hectic. I never have time for anything anymore. I work pretty much every night which is kinda good but sorta sucks at the same time. I'm really liking actually having money. I'm about to start my Christmas shopping. First I need to decide what stuff I'm getting for people. That's always the hardest part for me. I never know what to get. It's like I'll have great ideas throughout the year but then I can't decide on anything when it's actually time to buy stuff. If I buy it too early then I always end up giving it to the person early so that doesn't work for me. Hmmm.. Well as far as what I want for Christmas, I want a laptop and a new car. Haaaa! It's not gonna happen but I can hope, right? The laptop is more likely to happen than the car but it probably won't. Maybe I'll try to buy my dad's old one from him for cheap since he's gonna get a new one. We shall see. Well, other than that I don't have much else to say tonight. Same old confusing stuff going on in my life as far as relationships and all that goes. Trust me, if it changes then I'll let the world know. Lol.

Lyrics of the day: "You don't know what you got til you're missing it a lot..." Hurtful by Erik Hassle

10-22-10

Mood: ooh sparkly!

Geez it's been awhile since I've posted anything. Ever since I started working I've been super duper busy. I don't have time for anything. I'm either working or I'm exhausted from working. I sorta wish they'd cyt my hours back. I'd be fine with only working like three or four days a week instead of five. I've got a big art project to work on this weekend so I need time! Gahhh. Anyways, lots has happened since the last time I posted. I'm not so torn up about that note the jerks left me a couple weeks ago. Since then, my best friend has left a note on my car that said "World's Best Waitress Award" and my second family left me a note that said "Best Waitress Ever!" :) so things have definitely been better. I even feel like I'm getting better at work. Things were pretty rough for the first couple weeks but now I think I'm getting the hang of it. Waitressing is pretty tough. It takes a lot out of you. I'm making better tips though so I guess I'm getting better. I hate doing sidework though :/ I never get off work on time. I'm usually there for at least another hour if not longer. Oh well. Hopefully that changes too. Hmmm so I'm thinking about starting this all fruits and veggies diet. It'll be freak'n hard! I don't know how I'm gonna pull it off for three weeks but I'm gonna try. Any tips? Let me know. On another note, I got a new camera and I'm gonna be shooting lots more pictures soon and I'll be posting them. I'm entering a competition for a scholarship to the Art Institute of Dallas. I'm gonna give it a shot. I'll put more info up soon. I need ideas for that too. Haha. Well, it's time to get ready for work so I gotta get going. Posts coming soon!

Lyrics of the day: "I don't believe you when you say don't come around here no more. I won't remind you, you said we wouldn't be apart. No, I don't believe you when you say you don't need me anymore. So don't pretend to not love me at all..." I Don't Believe You by Pink

10-1-10

Mood: feeling like crying :'(

Today was horrible. I don't even know how else to describe it. I've had so much stuff on my mind lately and everything seems to be piling up. School was school and I was really tired. Work was not what I wanted to do tonight. Things went fairly smooth for the first couple hours. Finally at 8:30, I was still waiting on my last table. This couple wasn't rude to me (while I was serving them) and I did everything I was supposed to. Minor things (that weren't in my control) went wrong and I apologized to them but these idiots decided to leave me a note when they left. "WORLD'S WORST WAITRESS AWARD!" I read, written on a napkin, as I picked up they're dirty dishes. I folded it up and put it in my pocket. I got back to the kitchen area and started crying. One girl asked what happened and I handed her the note. Within a couple minutes it got passed around through the entire staff that was on duty and one guy was so mad he went outside looking for them. I cried for over half an hour and started to hyperventilate. I got support from all my co-workers though and after awhile I was able to go and finish my work. I felt like total crap though and still do. These people were atleast in their forties. Some people just need to grow up and stop acting like babies. If they had a problem, they should go to a manager. Not criticize me for things that were out of my power. Anyways, I hate my job so far, hate the people, and love my co-workers. They're the only thing that's gonna keep me around. I love the people that support me and stand up for me. <3

9-11-10

Mood: thinking too much? Yeah, that's it. :/

So today in my English class, my teacher asked the question "When is it too late to tell someone how you feel?" This really got me thinking. I know not too long ago I talked about some of my past relationships but, yes, I'm going to bring one of them up again. Anyways, my opinions/answers to this question were very conflicting. Part of me felt like it's never too late to tell someone how you feel and that you always should but then again, part of me felt like there is a time when you shouldn't. It was weird. I don't know anymore. When I look back on my experiences, I think that it definitely is best to tell someone how you feel but then again, sometimes it caused me problems. It can make friendships awkward, confuse people, tear apart already formed relationships, and to sum it up, hurt you or someone else. 
In part of December and the beginning of January, I was semi-dating this guy but I knew from the start he wasn't the one and we weren't even officially together. Then there was this other guy. He was my best friend. He was the guy that was always there. I could talk to him for hours and hours and we'd always have more to say. We'd stay up all night long even on school nights. We'd talk about nothing and everything at the same time. I knew how he felt about me and I knew how I felt about him. I was scared. I didn't want to lose him but I knew there was more there than just friendship. Over Christmas break, we spent a day at my house just sitting on the couch watching movies with another friend. He made the move and held my hand. I was still denying my feelings for him and I didn't let it go anywhere. After that day, things just kept changing between me and him  but in a good way. I wanted to be around him more. I don't even remember if I ever actually told him how I felt. I don't think I ever said it with words but he still knew. In the middle of January, we were both exempt from some of our semester exams so we spent part of the afternoon at my house. We laid on the couch together watching a movie and he had his arms around me. At one point we turned and faced each other with our eyes closed and started talking. Our faces got closer and closer together til our lips were about to touch. Then we shared our first kiss. Within a few days, the actual relationship began. I really do have a point after all of that. I didn't actually tell him how I felt but it's still the same kind of situation. Sometimes it'll turn out good, and sometimes it won't. With this particular situation, it started out great and ended badly. Yes, he was my best friend. Yes, we had an amazing relationship. Yes, his feelings changed somewhere in there. No, my feelings didn't. No, he won't even speak to me now. Yes, our friendship and relationship was destroyed. My point is, when you tell someone how you feel or when you start a relationship, you risk it all. It was all like a movie to me and I wouldn't trade the memories we made for anything in this world, I only wish we'd been able make more.

Lyrics of the day: "Summer after high school when we first met, we make out in your mustang to Radiohead and on my 18th birthday we got matching tattoos. Used to steal your parents' liquor and climb to the roof, talk about our future like we had a clue. Never planned the one day I'd be losing you. In another life I would be your girl, we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world. In another life I would make you stay so I don't have to say you were the one that got away, the one that got away. I was June and you were my Johnny Cash. Never one without the other, we made a pact. Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on. Someone said you had your tattoo removed. Saw you downtown singing the blues. It's time to face the music, I'm longer your muse. In another life I would be your girl, we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world. In another life, I would make you stay so I don't have to say you were the one that got away, the one that got away. The one, the one, the one, the one that got away..." The One That Got Away by Katy Perry

9-3-10

Mood: screwed up.

I know, it's been too long since I posted something :/ I've been so busy. School started. I sorta like it actually. It's weird. I'm glad I'm a senior. I'm ready to make some changes in my life. My new school is definitely different than I'm used to. My schedule isn't too bad but I've been extremely exhausted everyday after school. I'm gonna keep this short tonight because I really need to get some sleep. Anyways, the point of my post tonight is just for me to get some feelings out there. I just told someone something that I probably shouldn't have and I feel really stupid. It's not going to effect anyone else, just me. Have you ever done that before? Told someone something and then realized it was too soon or the wrong time and then felt like you really screwed up? Well that's what I just did. It wasn't anything really bad or too serious. It was just the wrong time to say it. At first, I was just joking around and then the person I was talking to said something serious about it and it caused me to blurt something out that I shouldn't have. It may have been the right time for me to say it for me, but in their life, it probably wasn't the best time. I don't know. I'm just rambling on about it now and I can't think straight. Hopefully I didn't screw up too bad and this will all work out the way it's supposed to. We will see.

Lyrics of the day: "You can't be too careful anymore when all that is waiting for you won't come any closer. You've got to reach a little more." Careful by Paramore

8-21-10

Mood: unknown

So today I don't really have much to say. I just heard a song and I think it's pretty much my theme song right now. Here's the lyrics. Enjoy.

Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin

She loves her mama's lemonade,
Hates the sound that goodbyes make.
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.
She swears that there's no difference,
Between the lies and compliments.
It's all the same if everybody leaves her.

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,
The pictures that she's seen make her cry.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,
And she just needs someone to take her home.

She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.
She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she'll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfections.

She's not a drama queen,
She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen, but tired

She would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home.

'Cause she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's OK.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,

And she would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,

But she just needs someone to take her home
And she just needs someone to take her home.

8-17-10

Mood: thoughtful...again

Well school starts next week. I'm sorta excited but sorta not. I mean, new school and stuff. It's sorta scary, right? I dunno. I'm just kinda nervous. I'm so glad I get to spend senior year with my best friend though. That'll be great. I hope this year goes by quick. I'm ready to be done. High school hasn't been the experience I was hoping for. Don't get me wrong, parts of it were great but other parts I wish I could just erase. I wonder what I would've done differently if I could go back to my first day freshmen year. Hmmm... Would I be bolder? Less scared? Would I have found a different crowd? I'm pretty sure that ones a big duh. Afterall, the one person that was always there for me freshman through junior year turned out to be a backstabbing whore. I definitely would stop myself from ever starting that friendship. That was one big mistake. Oh! Another big mistake: Mitch. He made freshman year a complete hell. Such a player. He wasn't even cute. It's like one of those things where you look back and ask yourself "I had a crush on this dude?!?" Haha. Sophomore year I think my big mistake was just things involving friends. I don't really remember much about it. That year is the boring one I think. I dated a guy and if I went back I'd probably get to know him better before jumping into a relationship but I don't really know what that would really change. We weren't right for each other and he wasn't very hard to get over. It still hurt of course but it wasn't the worst I've ever felt. Ah, junior year. Everyone said that, academically, it would be the toughest year. I have no clue what they were talking about. I didn't have any problems with schoolwork. My problems involved other things. I guess the first semester wasn't horrible. Well, sorta. It had it's problems. I dated a guy that wasn't right for me and his family hated me and thought I was a child of the devil. That was more annoying than horrible and before I knew it, it was over and I didn't have to deal with them anymore. Second semester is when my world got turned upside down. It started out great. I was truly happy for about two months before the heartbreak happened. Then the happiness was just gone. If I could go back, I'd change something. I don't know how I'd do it, but I'd change something. Stop myself from falling too hard maybe or just try harder to keep it from falling apart. I don't know. If it had never happened, I'd never have found one of the things that makes my life worth living: a second family. Not just any family, a family that still loves me five months later and I love them too :) Anyways, junior year was full of little mistakes and maybe one or two big ones but in the end, I got something I'm grateful for. Now I'm a senior. Twelfth grade. Top dog. And whatever else you wanna call it. I want this year to be one I'll remember and one that I'll look back on without regrets. I don't know what the future holds but let's just hope the cards are in my favor this year. 

Lyrics of the day: "I swear I will fight until we're the last to stand. Until it's you left holding my hand. And our love will burn so bright..." - So High by The Follow Through 

8-5-10

Mood: eh. eh.

So as you can see (or hear), I added a music player with some of my favorite songs. This is the first time I've posted in a few days. I guess I needed some time to cool down and such. I'm still not very happy but I've chilled out a little. I just wish people would stop being so stupid. Hmmm. I've got lots to do before school starts. Maybe I'll actually do something productive with the rest of my summer. I wanna take a bunch of pictures. Not just any pictures, some really good pictures. Oh and I gotta dye Ashley's hair. I'm kinda torn on what I wanna do after I graduate. I really love photography but I've recently learned that I also love to cut and color hair. Decisions, decisions. I guess I've got options. Well, I've got stuff to do. I'll be posting again soon. I love my ONE FOLLOWER! ;)

Quote of the day: "What are you making?" -Me
"Babies." -Christian
"...In the toaster?" -Me

7-30-10

Mood: pissed >.<

As you can tell by my mood, this is not a happy post. I hate him. I hate him more than he will ever understand. I hate her too. She's a backstabbing shank. They could both fall off a cliff and die and I wouldn't shed a tear. In fact, I sorta hope they do. He needs to grow up and grow a brain. She needs to stop being a lying whore. I can't believe I ever loved you. Oh and as for you, I can't believe I was ever your "best friend". You were never a good friend. You lied all the time and I stood behind you. How many times did you try to take what was mine? Well guess what, you finally did! So you can go on and be happy. Just stay out of my life from now on!

Ughh I feel better now. How come when things finally start to perk up a little, everything just falls apart again? I already knew that something was going on but then I got my proof and it just set me on fire again! I was actually happy! Or atleast partially! I'm soooo ready to move on with my life. I'm ready to see someone else. I've been single long enough. The hole he left in my heart is slowly disappearing and I'm ready to trust someone else with it. I still hate him. I don't hate him because we're over, I just hate how he is and the crap he pulled on me. I also hate myself for letting myself fall so hard. That's it. I'm done being broken and I won't let myself fall like this again.

Quote of the day: ‎"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." - Proverbs 4:23

7-25-10

Mood: boys are stupid, throw rocks at them -.-

Hmmm well I haven't posted anything in a few days so I figured it's about time I fixed that. As you can tell by my mood, I'm a bit frustrated at the moment. There's not really anything that needs to be said about it. It's just the way it is. On another note, mom says hi world. Well I don't really have much to say today. My shoulder hurts and I'm still frustrated. Oh well. I'll figure it out. I'll just go to bed soon. Goodnight.

Quote of the day: "Did he cry?" -Me
"No, he's a man. Ahaha, he probably will." -Ashley

7-20-10

Mood: confused.

I just watched Remember Me. I thought it was amazing. Why did I have to watch it though? It hurt. From the first scene til the very end. As soon as he came on the screen I thought of you. The way he moved, the way he talked, the facial expressions. All of it. Even where he had a tattoo. I've actually been doing better lately. I've been happy, or atleast okay. As soon as things start to perk up, something reminds me of you. I even met someone else but I can't bring myself to do anything about it because of you. Worst of all, you don't care. You don't care one bit and there's no way I could ever make you care. I sound like a broken record and you'll never listen. You'll never listen to anyone. You're a child and you need to just grow up. Get over yourself. Be a man. Stop playing the victim and take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Stop letting your pride get in the way and admit that you're wrong. You know the people that truly love you and care about you will be here no matter what so what are you so scared of? I wish I knew how to make you listen. I'm only kidding myself. I'm trapped in this never ending cycle of regret and I know that regretting gets me nowhere. I can't change what happened and I can't go back in time. If I could go back, I don't even know what I'd change except maybe myself. I'd cherish the moments more and I'd pray they wouldn't end.

Quote of the day: "This is the memory. This is the curse of having too much time to think about it. It's killing me. This is the last time. This is my forgiveness. This is endless. This is endless."

7-15-10

Mood:thoughtful :/

Well I've been doing a lot of thinking. That's probably not a good thing. I always get sad when I think too much. I guess it was only a matter of time. I was getting too happy. I don't know if I was even really happy. Was it just the thought of being happy? I'm not happy. I haven't been happy for months. Being around family that I haven't seen in years definitely cheered me up while I was in Washington but now that I'm back in Texas, everything is the same. Nothing has changed. I'm just as miserable as I wad before. I thought maybe I was getting over the hurt and starting to feel better but I guess not. When I'm left alone with my thoughts, everything just sorta comes back to me. It's like I just started to ignore my feelings for a little while and that didn't work well for me. Now I'm confused again. I don't know what I want or where I should go from here. I think the only reason I'm babbling on like this is because I doubt anyone actually reads my blog. I guess this is more like my diary. It's just a diary that I don't mind someone seeing. Ya know why I named it "Krystal's Sticky Notes"? It's because that's how my thoughts are. Sticky notes. Bright and colorful most of the time but there's so many of them that they cover each other up and it gets confusing. I guess that's just how I am.

Quote of the day: "Oh I knew I was only sixteen but I thought I loved [him] and it'd last forever. Oh only if I knew that [he] wasn't true. How could [he] do this to me?"

7-9-10

Mood: gaga? :p

Well today was sorta sad. Grandpa and I just dropped Jacob, Isaac, Zachary, Emma, and Hannah off at their other grandparents house. Their mom, aunt Megan, was rushed to the hospital last night after having a seizure. So Mike and Megan won't be with us at Cape Disappointment this weekend :( On another note, I got to meet a bunch of cousins this week. I love Mike and Megan's kids! They're so great. Oh! And my uncle just walked in grandma and grandpa's house. He doesn't look so much like a teenager today but he just said "yo!" Oh the denial of growing up. Anyways, we're about to head back to Cape Disappointment. I'm ready for a nap. Oh by the way, I've discovered that grandpa's favorite song is Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. He likes to sing along with it in the car :) well, we're about to leave and I have no signal at Cape Disappointment. Disappointing huh? I'll post again soon.

Quote of the day: "Every word has an 'ooh' in it!" -Jacob

7-7-10

Mood: pretty good :p

So yesterday I went to visit Seattle and spent waaaay too much money. So much for saving it up. Haha. It was worth it. Seattle is so pretty! I really wanna move back here. I actually think I will after I graduate. I'm so ready to be done. I'm looking for alternatives for my senior year. I only have a couple classes left to take and I can't bring myself to go back to that place they call a school. I'm looking into online courses and other options. Hopefully I'll find something. If anyone has any ideas let me know please. I don't feel like going back to Texas next week. I mean, I wanna go back to see Wiley, Robert, and Ashley but I sorta wish they were here instead. Oh and I guess I need to say goodbye to Koltin when I get back. Hmmm well anyways, having a good time here. I can't wait til next summer. I think moving here would be sooo awesome :) oh and I'm really enjoying the weather. It's so beautiful. I'll be posting more soon. I've taken lots of pictures!

Quote of the day: "Mom! Now I feel as comfy as a coke!" -Sarah

7-4-10

Mood: Zzz...

Well Seattle is welcoming us with RAIN! I'm so exhausted. Not so scared about flying anymore. The flight wasn't bad. My horrible headache definitely didn't make it great though. I'm ready to start the week. I need sleep first though. Oh and food. I'd really like some dinner about now. I took some pretty cool pics on the plane and I'll upload them as soon as I can and I'll be posting again soon.

Quote of the day: "Well, atleast he has his ukulele." -Mom

7-4-10

Mood: anxious O.o

Well, it's the fourth of July. Yay? I already watched the fireworks so I've had my dose of it all for the year. It's almost one the morning. I'm pretty much done packing for my trip later today. Just a few things left I think. I had a pretty fun night with my friends tonight. Koltin was his usual butt-headed self most of the night though. Me, Ashley, him, and some chick that he invited chilled at the house for a few and then went to Pizza Hut. Robert met up with us there and hung out while he was on his dinner break. He wanted to see my hair :) he loved it, by the way. Ashley was definitely not happy about Koltin's little date but she did point out that Robert was nice to look it. Very very true. Robert is a cutie. I was sure to mention that to him ;) Oh! I almost forgot to mention that my bangs are pink. This week I dyed it a bunch. Probably too much. Oh well. It looks good so that's what matters. I think I probably invested too much money into it. Atleast I have a whole tub of pink stuff that I can keep using for the rest of the summer. On another note, I'm pretty excited to be going out up to Washington this week. Pretty freaked about flying and stuff but I hope it'll be alright. Once I get back it'll be fun. Wiley is coming to see me on the 13th! I miss him sooo much! It's been over a year since I saw him last. We've kept in touch as always though. So yeah, it should be great getting to see him again. It's been way too long. Well, I better get to bed. Gotta get up at nine, leaving for church at ten thirty, running home for last minute packing, then off to the airport. Full day! Goodnight.

P.S. I got a camera! Not the one I wanted, although I have the money for it now. An old friend of mine gave me his old camera. It's a lot like my old one that broke so it'll work for the trip.

Quote of the day: "When I'm done with you, you're gonna look like a Jamaican man!" -Eric

6-24-10

Mood: determined.

Well I have come up with a goal. I leave for Washington on the 4th and I want to have a camera by then. I picked one out that I like but I have to order it online :( Dang! Well, we're having a garage sale on Saturday so hopefully I'll earn some money then. If I'm lucky, maybe I can convince the parents to spot me the cash for the camera and I'll just pay them back. I'll have to get fast delivery though. I'm running out of time. I need a camera and Karen agrees ;) If anyone has any ideas or suggestions, let me know.

Quote of the day: "Were you about to shove a gorilla down my pants?!" -Richie

6-22-10

Mood: doing alright :)

Well I finally got my blog up and running! :) I decided to start a blog mostly so I'd have something to do. I guess it's just sort of a way to express myself. So far I'm liking it. Just check back often. I'll be posting as much as I can and most likely I'll be documenting all my activites through pictures so I'll be uploading those too! Oh, and whenever I post, I like to put a quote of the day so be sure to check those out too :) I'll be posting again soon.

Quote of the day: "Move over Mr. Prickle Pants!" -Toy Story 3 :)