7-30-10

Mood: pissed >.<

As you can tell by my mood, this is not a happy post. I hate him. I hate him more than he will ever understand. I hate her too. She's a backstabbing shank. They could both fall off a cliff and die and I wouldn't shed a tear. In fact, I sorta hope they do. He needs to grow up and grow a brain. She needs to stop being a lying whore. I can't believe I ever loved you. Oh and as for you, I can't believe I was ever your "best friend". You were never a good friend. You lied all the time and I stood behind you. How many times did you try to take what was mine? Well guess what, you finally did! So you can go on and be happy. Just stay out of my life from now on!

Ughh I feel better now. How come when things finally start to perk up a little, everything just falls apart again? I already knew that something was going on but then I got my proof and it just set me on fire again! I was actually happy! Or atleast partially! I'm soooo ready to move on with my life. I'm ready to see someone else. I've been single long enough. The hole he left in my heart is slowly disappearing and I'm ready to trust someone else with it. I still hate him. I don't hate him because we're over, I just hate how he is and the crap he pulled on me. I also hate myself for letting myself fall so hard. That's it. I'm done being broken and I won't let myself fall like this again.

Quote of the day: ‎"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." - Proverbs 4:23

7-25-10

Mood: boys are stupid, throw rocks at them -.-

Hmmm well I haven't posted anything in a few days so I figured it's about time I fixed that. As you can tell by my mood, I'm a bit frustrated at the moment. There's not really anything that needs to be said about it. It's just the way it is. On another note, mom says hi world. Well I don't really have much to say today. My shoulder hurts and I'm still frustrated. Oh well. I'll figure it out. I'll just go to bed soon. Goodnight.

Quote of the day: "Did he cry?" -Me
"No, he's a man. Ahaha, he probably will." -Ashley

7-20-10

Mood: confused.

I just watched Remember Me. I thought it was amazing. Why did I have to watch it though? It hurt. From the first scene til the very end. As soon as he came on the screen I thought of you. The way he moved, the way he talked, the facial expressions. All of it. Even where he had a tattoo. I've actually been doing better lately. I've been happy, or atleast okay. As soon as things start to perk up, something reminds me of you. I even met someone else but I can't bring myself to do anything about it because of you. Worst of all, you don't care. You don't care one bit and there's no way I could ever make you care. I sound like a broken record and you'll never listen. You'll never listen to anyone. You're a child and you need to just grow up. Get over yourself. Be a man. Stop playing the victim and take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Stop letting your pride get in the way and admit that you're wrong. You know the people that truly love you and care about you will be here no matter what so what are you so scared of? I wish I knew how to make you listen. I'm only kidding myself. I'm trapped in this never ending cycle of regret and I know that regretting gets me nowhere. I can't change what happened and I can't go back in time. If I could go back, I don't even know what I'd change except maybe myself. I'd cherish the moments more and I'd pray they wouldn't end.

Quote of the day: "This is the memory. This is the curse of having too much time to think about it. It's killing me. This is the last time. This is my forgiveness. This is endless. This is endless."

7-15-10

Mood:thoughtful :/

Well I've been doing a lot of thinking. That's probably not a good thing. I always get sad when I think too much. I guess it was only a matter of time. I was getting too happy. I don't know if I was even really happy. Was it just the thought of being happy? I'm not happy. I haven't been happy for months. Being around family that I haven't seen in years definitely cheered me up while I was in Washington but now that I'm back in Texas, everything is the same. Nothing has changed. I'm just as miserable as I wad before. I thought maybe I was getting over the hurt and starting to feel better but I guess not. When I'm left alone with my thoughts, everything just sorta comes back to me. It's like I just started to ignore my feelings for a little while and that didn't work well for me. Now I'm confused again. I don't know what I want or where I should go from here. I think the only reason I'm babbling on like this is because I doubt anyone actually reads my blog. I guess this is more like my diary. It's just a diary that I don't mind someone seeing. Ya know why I named it "Krystal's Sticky Notes"? It's because that's how my thoughts are. Sticky notes. Bright and colorful most of the time but there's so many of them that they cover each other up and it gets confusing. I guess that's just how I am.

Quote of the day: "Oh I knew I was only sixteen but I thought I loved [him] and it'd last forever. Oh only if I knew that [he] wasn't true. How could [he] do this to me?"

7-9-10

Mood: gaga? :p

Well today was sorta sad. Grandpa and I just dropped Jacob, Isaac, Zachary, Emma, and Hannah off at their other grandparents house. Their mom, aunt Megan, was rushed to the hospital last night after having a seizure. So Mike and Megan won't be with us at Cape Disappointment this weekend :( On another note, I got to meet a bunch of cousins this week. I love Mike and Megan's kids! They're so great. Oh! And my uncle just walked in grandma and grandpa's house. He doesn't look so much like a teenager today but he just said "yo!" Oh the denial of growing up. Anyways, we're about to head back to Cape Disappointment. I'm ready for a nap. Oh by the way, I've discovered that grandpa's favorite song is Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. He likes to sing along with it in the car :) well, we're about to leave and I have no signal at Cape Disappointment. Disappointing huh? I'll post again soon.

Quote of the day: "Every word has an 'ooh' in it!" -Jacob

7-7-10

Mood: pretty good :p

So yesterday I went to visit Seattle and spent waaaay too much money. So much for saving it up. Haha. It was worth it. Seattle is so pretty! I really wanna move back here. I actually think I will after I graduate. I'm so ready to be done. I'm looking for alternatives for my senior year. I only have a couple classes left to take and I can't bring myself to go back to that place they call a school. I'm looking into online courses and other options. Hopefully I'll find something. If anyone has any ideas let me know please. I don't feel like going back to Texas next week. I mean, I wanna go back to see Wiley, Robert, and Ashley but I sorta wish they were here instead. Oh and I guess I need to say goodbye to Koltin when I get back. Hmmm well anyways, having a good time here. I can't wait til next summer. I think moving here would be sooo awesome :) oh and I'm really enjoying the weather. It's so beautiful. I'll be posting more soon. I've taken lots of pictures!

Quote of the day: "Mom! Now I feel as comfy as a coke!" -Sarah

7-4-10

Mood: Zzz...

Well Seattle is welcoming us with RAIN! I'm so exhausted. Not so scared about flying anymore. The flight wasn't bad. My horrible headache definitely didn't make it great though. I'm ready to start the week. I need sleep first though. Oh and food. I'd really like some dinner about now. I took some pretty cool pics on the plane and I'll upload them as soon as I can and I'll be posting again soon.

Quote of the day: "Well, atleast he has his ukulele." -Mom

7-4-10

Mood: anxious O.o

Well, it's the fourth of July. Yay? I already watched the fireworks so I've had my dose of it all for the year. It's almost one the morning. I'm pretty much done packing for my trip later today. Just a few things left I think. I had a pretty fun night with my friends tonight. Koltin was his usual butt-headed self most of the night though. Me, Ashley, him, and some chick that he invited chilled at the house for a few and then went to Pizza Hut. Robert met up with us there and hung out while he was on his dinner break. He wanted to see my hair :) he loved it, by the way. Ashley was definitely not happy about Koltin's little date but she did point out that Robert was nice to look it. Very very true. Robert is a cutie. I was sure to mention that to him ;) Oh! I almost forgot to mention that my bangs are pink. This week I dyed it a bunch. Probably too much. Oh well. It looks good so that's what matters. I think I probably invested too much money into it. Atleast I have a whole tub of pink stuff that I can keep using for the rest of the summer. On another note, I'm pretty excited to be going out up to Washington this week. Pretty freaked about flying and stuff but I hope it'll be alright. Once I get back it'll be fun. Wiley is coming to see me on the 13th! I miss him sooo much! It's been over a year since I saw him last. We've kept in touch as always though. So yeah, it should be great getting to see him again. It's been way too long. Well, I better get to bed. Gotta get up at nine, leaving for church at ten thirty, running home for last minute packing, then off to the airport. Full day! Goodnight.

P.S. I got a camera! Not the one I wanted, although I have the money for it now. An old friend of mine gave me his old camera. It's a lot like my old one that broke so it'll work for the trip.

Quote of the day: "When I'm done with you, you're gonna look like a Jamaican man!" -Eric