8-17-10

Mood: thoughtful...again

Well school starts next week. I'm sorta excited but sorta not. I mean, new school and stuff. It's sorta scary, right? I dunno. I'm just kinda nervous. I'm so glad I get to spend senior year with my best friend though. That'll be great. I hope this year goes by quick. I'm ready to be done. High school hasn't been the experience I was hoping for. Don't get me wrong, parts of it were great but other parts I wish I could just erase. I wonder what I would've done differently if I could go back to my first day freshmen year. Hmmm... Would I be bolder? Less scared? Would I have found a different crowd? I'm pretty sure that ones a big duh. Afterall, the one person that was always there for me freshman through junior year turned out to be a backstabbing whore. I definitely would stop myself from ever starting that friendship. That was one big mistake. Oh! Another big mistake: Mitch. He made freshman year a complete hell. Such a player. He wasn't even cute. It's like one of those things where you look back and ask yourself "I had a crush on this dude?!?" Haha. Sophomore year I think my big mistake was just things involving friends. I don't really remember much about it. That year is the boring one I think. I dated a guy and if I went back I'd probably get to know him better before jumping into a relationship but I don't really know what that would really change. We weren't right for each other and he wasn't very hard to get over. It still hurt of course but it wasn't the worst I've ever felt. Ah, junior year. Everyone said that, academically, it would be the toughest year. I have no clue what they were talking about. I didn't have any problems with schoolwork. My problems involved other things. I guess the first semester wasn't horrible. Well, sorta. It had it's problems. I dated a guy that wasn't right for me and his family hated me and thought I was a child of the devil. That was more annoying than horrible and before I knew it, it was over and I didn't have to deal with them anymore. Second semester is when my world got turned upside down. It started out great. I was truly happy for about two months before the heartbreak happened. Then the happiness was just gone. If I could go back, I'd change something. I don't know how I'd do it, but I'd change something. Stop myself from falling too hard maybe or just try harder to keep it from falling apart. I don't know. If it had never happened, I'd never have found one of the things that makes my life worth living: a second family. Not just any family, a family that still loves me five months later and I love them too :) Anyways, junior year was full of little mistakes and maybe one or two big ones but in the end, I got something I'm grateful for. Now I'm a senior. Twelfth grade. Top dog. And whatever else you wanna call it. I want this year to be one I'll remember and one that I'll look back on without regrets. I don't know what the future holds but let's just hope the cards are in my favor this year. 

Lyrics of the day: "I swear I will fight until we're the last to stand. Until it's you left holding my hand. And our love will burn so bright..." - So High by The Follow Through